Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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