Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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