Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
