Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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