hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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