Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
ok first of all what the fuck
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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