Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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