You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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