he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
People in love make me want to vomit
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
