dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
