If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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