Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
