You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So many bounce houses so little time
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
