i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
