I want to stick my p in your. b.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
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Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
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His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
false alarm, still single
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