She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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