I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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