This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
