Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
