Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
