You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
