Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I FOUND THE LEGS
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
