I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I think i got beer on your cat.
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