Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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