found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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