You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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