I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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