Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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