I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
