hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
