Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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