I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
