I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
