Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize