i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
