just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
