just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I stole a fireplace last night.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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