Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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