I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
