guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
