I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If I die, sorry about rent.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
