Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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