i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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