They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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