a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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