A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Four minutes until I can fart!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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