I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
