i barfeds in our rink
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
