your thong is hanging out like whoa
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
