There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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