It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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