It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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