I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Sober January is a disaster.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
