youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
did i walk over a car last night?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
