I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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