Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
