Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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