just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
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I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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