I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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