i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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