and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
