I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
