Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
