I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
