Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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