I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
