Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just gift wrapped bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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