and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
