She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Two words: blizzard sex
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize