I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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