The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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