someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
