either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
