I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
