My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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