in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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