Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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