He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
