Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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