I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
